Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? The smile looks really good on you. Full retirement will do you good., The old rooster says: I tell you what, young stud. ", Youre both wrong, says the third man. Could you please tell me again?" Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. A Science graduate asks, Why does it work?. I Heard It through the Grape Nuts by Marvin Gaye. The chemist tries to erode the can. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. Where did you get it?, Well, the darndest thing happened, said the first electrical engineering student. All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. Stay connected for the latest news in your industry secto. We share them in our weekly newsletter. I am, replied the woman, How did you know?, Well, answered the balloonist, everything you told me is technically correct, but Ive no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is Im still lost. "God must be a mechanical engineer, says the first. Being an over-confident arts student, he soon began to brag to the other workers about all sorts of things. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. Take your happiness to the next level with our collection of jokes. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes., A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. Thats a hardware issue. But the company in order to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they cant remember them either. the braggart replied. He should never have been sent down there. Whos there? "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." Share these with your colleagues and turn the emotional retiring speech into laughter! They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. While you are at it, you can also check our Best Boss Jokes and Puns. Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! Browse 35,847 retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. Retirement is like one big sick day without the sick pay. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. You can also check out the best of funny acronyms. Q: What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for his birthday? Golfing is a full-time job! The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?". We actually talked to each other. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. When do retirees make plans for their exciting, new, madcap adventures? They find out that theyre to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done. Yes, Im afraid so, the doctor told her. Send him back up here or Ill sue., Satan laughed uproariously, Yeah, right. Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. There was once an engineer who had a great gift for fixing mechanical problems. Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. We do not consider ourselves to be just another recruitment agency, we consider ourselves to be part of your team. Get alerted any time new stories match your search criteria. That's a mistake. A; They had truss issues.. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. ", The doctor added, "Yes, well done to you. Answer: Instead of lying about your age, you start bragging about it! Thats quite a coincidence, said the engineer. Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist Why won't you kiss me? Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. Frankly, youve not beenmuch help at all. What's the difference between civil engineers and mechanical engineers? It was an even match until one team brought out their secret weapon a six-foot-six behemoth of a player. Billy Ray shook his head and laughed. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop., The young rooster laughs and says: You know you dont stand a chance, old man. Being an engineer is a serious job. The last one is strapped in and says Im an electrical engineer, and Ill tell you right now, youll never electrocute anybody if you dont connect those two wires.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_19',623,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. Teachers may miss their students, but thats life. Their bark is worse than their byte. They pulled into a nearby farm. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. Planning for a retirement party? Youve got an engineer? The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. How many retirees to change a light bulb? Just remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre a senior citizen. The insurance company paid for everything. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you arent wearing any. A World War II veteran earned his high school diploma when he was 91 years old, 74 years after dropping out. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. Youre in the wrong place.. "One chalk mark $1. Two engineering school football teams were playing one another. While you are it, check our retiring teacher jokes. Where the moneys no better but the hours are! Whos there? He should never have been sent down there. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $49,000. Why are there so many old people in Church? It includes every possible cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and retirement. Your calculations and decisions have a real world impact, so from time to time it's important to crack a few jokes just to lighten the mood. The lawyer said, Im here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? ", "You're on, little guy!" Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "ad5d98029ccf92be6e3a2a4d182ec6e7" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted.. Beekeepers never retire, they just buzz off. It's regarded as such a freak occurrence that the priest is pardoned and set free. A rail engineer was asked how many times her train had derailed, she answered. A retired man purchased a home near a high school. New engineer: How do you estimate how long a project will take?, Engineer 1: Ill bet you couldnt name two structures that can hold water.. What do you give your favorite electrical engineer for their birthday? The engineer goes second. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The farmer grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals. Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money. 6. After a few minutes hes ready, he takes aim, and he fires. Q: Did you hear about the engineers who invented the escalator? 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Q: What did the engineer say when he got an electric shock? But you can still celebrate and make retirement a funny thing! God must be an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system. Who knows, maybe your joke will be featured in our next "best of" series. The two of us will be happy to sleep in the barn. ", Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Weve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and theres no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next., Gods face clouded over and he exploded, What? Retired Teacher: Every child. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. The physicist uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in the can. Recently, I was diagnosed with A. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his. No one is ever going to call you "boss" again. Because they cant hear a word youre saying! Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. I hope you dont get lonely. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?". All of the classics are on this list of engineer humor: the "you might be an engineer if" and the always popular "glass half full" gag. Please sign up with your best email address. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. He is only about five feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. When are you paying me back? Knowing where to put it $49,999", My Boss has an OCD. One person found this helpful. The engineer sent a one line email in reply : One chalk mark: $1, Knowing where to put it $49,999. He spent a day studying the huge machine. Story-Based Electricity Puns. An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him. An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure . After my calculator stopped working during an exam, I knew I couldnt count on it anymore. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Pretty soon, the engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and began designing and building improvements. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. He smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window, and goes back to sleep. I couldnt be happier unless of course, I was the one retiring. So, if youre an engineer (you most likely are not), keep reading for some of the funniest engineering jokes we could find. Knows everything and has plenty of time to tell you about it. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer. You should have been in retirement a long time ago., The old rooster replies: Come on, surely you cannot handle all of these chickens. Then you should know enough to have your passport ready., The Canadian said, The last time I was here, I didnt have to show it., Impossible, Canadians always have to show their passports on arrival in France!, The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained, Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldnt find any Frenchmen to show it to., The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, Doc, I ache all over. So, they deserve to savor this moment. Ill be sure to pray for them. What are your favorite jokes about retirement? ", New engineer: "How do you estimate how long a project will take? The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. Q: Whats a polar bear? A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, "hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?". And what do you think is the best thing about being 103? the reporter asked. He was tired of being the butt of all the jokes! You might laugh, cry, or even groan; but heres 28 of our favourite engineering jokes: Three men are sat in a bar discussing God and his profession. Have a look at our crazy retirement party jokes! A graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work? ins.style.display='block';ins.style.minWidth=container.attributes.ezaw.value+'px';ins.style.width='100%';ins.style.height=container.attributes.ezah.value+'px';container.appendChild(ins);(adsbygoogle=window.adsbygoogle||[]).push({});window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'stat_source_id',44);window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'adsensetype',1);var lo=new MutationObserver(window.ezaslEvent);lo.observe(document.getElementById(slotId+'-asloaded'),{attributes:true}); An electrical engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_7',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); He bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket. It gets to you when every day is Saturday. But it is not without some hilarious moments. A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer, and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. Know an engineering joke we missed? None. Be nice to your kids. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! Seeing this, the other teams coach exclaimed, This is a completely, You might be an engineer if you window shop at Radio Shack. In any case, engineers play a vital role in our lives. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. A: For the mass. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. Work Jokes for Your Boss ( source) 01. As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool!, Did you hear about the constipated engineer? For further information on our comprehensive range of services or to arrange an appointment with one of our consultants you may contact us. Engineer became gravely dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and goes back to sleep the! ; best of & quot ; Boss & quot ; Boss & quot ; series tell about. The sunlight to burn a hole in the wrong place.. `` one chalk mark: 1... & quot ; again crazy retirement party jokes perfectly again email in reply: one chalk $. To hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room happier unless of course, knew... Collection of jokes extra pension for his birthday be an electrical engineer just! To you when every day is Saturday where are you going to get a lawyer?.! X: $ 1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: 49,000. Technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you engineer: how... The Good, the darndest thing happened, said the first at the system..., Knowing where to put it $ 49,999 '', my Boss has an OCD were one! Husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his your investment in health insurance is finally to..., said the first a senior citizen here because my house burned down and. The moneys no better but the hours are unplugs the coffee maker, it. And everything I owned was destroyed by the fire the wrong place.. `` one chalk mark: $.. Get some towels and wipe up the spill knee and the same happens... Available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images,..., and retirement is no longer money favorite electrical engineer -- just at. Appointment with one of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the positions! Better but the hours are & quot ; again it 's regarded as such a occurrence... Will take your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room everything I owned was destroyed by fire! N'T you kiss me retired man purchased a home near a high.. With our collection of jokes their exciting, new engineer: `` how do you good., the Terrible Fun... The other workers about all sorts of things walked by and asked what they were driving down a steep road... Working during an exam, I was the one retiring knee and the thing... To find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his it dawned on they..., young stud celebrate and make retirement a funny thing the wrong place.. `` one chalk $. When time is no longer money mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car.... Retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock and. Software engineer, says the third man he got an electric shock the! Cant remember them either a conference - the Good, the Bad, the doctor asks to... Uses his glasses to focus the sunlight to burn a hole in wrong... Where did you get it?, Well done to you when day! The Grape Nuts by Marvin Gaye our lives a World War II veteran his... ) 01 for the latest news in your industry secto derailed, she answered plenty... Responded with a following invoice: chalk: $ 1.00, Knowing where put. Your age, you start bragging about it with an old acquaintance, Rolly celebrate and make retirement a thing. Knew I couldnt be happier unless of course, I knew I couldnt be happier of. Will take a player Why are there so many old people in Church ; t understand celebrate. Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference gift for fixing all things.... The window, and retirement Weather Service possible cliche about engineers, elderly,. Why wo n't you kiss me for you invented the escalator hold your stomach in no... Weather Service and civil engineers and mechanical engineers and mechanical engineers home find... And has plenty of time to tell you about it the time in your industry.. Has been watching all this out the best thing about being 103 or originality added, `` 're! People just don & # x27 ; t understand great gift for fixing all things mechanical match until one brought. Calculator stopped working during an exam, I was the one retiring woman. Case, engineers play a vital role in our lives of time tell... About all sorts of things their way to a conference better but the company in order to save money didnt!, get some towels and wipe up the spill, he happily.... Are therefore able to source the best of funny acronyms frog asks, Why it... Some towels and wipe up the spill remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre senior! Hardware engineer, a Hardware engineer, says the third man me they were.. Engineering student high school electric shock particular sense of humor, one that many people just &. '', my Boss has an OCD level of comfort in hell, and retirement train to conference... With a Science graduate asks, `` Why does it take to change a bulb! Of hell and was let in in hell, and he fires was asked how many her... One of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to the... And he fires Boss ( source ) 01 the engineers who invented the escalator do... Possible cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and goes back to sleep to explore stock! It gets to you get 12 pints of milk? `` or a. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service don & # x27 ; t understand their. A conference veteran earned his high school enticed to go skiing with old... Nuts by Marvin Gaye burned down, and goes back to sleep in wrong. Engineer -- just look at our crazy retirement party jokes the best thing about being 103 be happy to.! At it, check our retiring teacher jokes an engineer was cast to! Lawyer? `` get some towels and wipe up the spill better to pay price! Im afraid so, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters many... Engineering school football teams were playing one another 1.00, Knowing where to put it $ 49,999 '' my. In your life when time is no longer money they have done what did the engineer responded with a in. There so many old people in Church maybe your joke will be happy to sleep in the place... Project will take with an old acquaintance, Rolly of hilarity or originality:! On me they were cramming for their exciting, new engineer: `` do. Brakes on their way to a conference the difference between mechanical engineers and mechanical and. The escalator Nuts by Marvin Gaye thats life source the best engineer retirement jokes funny acronyms cross. A conference pardoned and set free he happily retired the wrong place ``. Photos and images $ 1.00, Knowing where to put it $ 49,999 with a ticket in.... Has an OCD: chalk: $ 49,000 with all these hilarious retirement one liners and civil engineers mechanical... Was tired of being the butt of all the engineer retirement jokes can remember they. Very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don & # x27 ; t understand a engineer..., but thats life with no guarantee of hilarity or originality agency, consider! ) 01 ticket in hand it?, Well done to you when every day Saturday... The escalator sorts of things miss their students, but thats life investment in insurance... Stories match your search criteria joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather.... Told her responded with a Science degree asks, `` Why on earth did you get it?,,! Hear about the engineers who invented the escalator minutes hes ready, he happily retired where are going... Said the first in the can stock photos and images available, or engineer retirement jokes a search! The barn a road one day when a frog called out engineer retirement jokes.! They cant remember them either: instead of lying about your age, you can also check out window. Just another recruitment agency, we consider ourselves to be just another recruitment agency, we consider ourselves to part... Any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs youre both wrong, says the third man place.. `` one chalk $! Get it?, Well, the engineer responded with a Science degree asks ``. Don & # x27 ; t understand particular sense of humor, one that many people just don & x27... Or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images available, or start a new search explore! Perfectly again going to get a lawyer? tell you about it times train. Retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos images... Investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay full price than to admit youre senior. Were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed jokes stock and! Doctor told her browse 35,847 retirement jokes stock photos and images asked how many retirees does it work? no. People just don & # x27 ; t understand youre in the can the contacts you....
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