With a great hand, you dont even need a partner to play with! Working on the computer is like driving a submarine. Whats a lesbians love language? However, if you are bold enough you know where to crack such kinds of jokes to get the best laugh. If a midget tells you your hair smells niceis that sexual harassment? What do you do when a womans choking? 70. A Quarter Pounder with Cheese, 56. Ask god if shame cancels out a sin. How do you find a blind man on anude beach?its not hard. Call and let them hear it. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!". It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green. Dirty Jokes You dont need to apologize if you have a dirty sense of humor. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. 2. Is it in?, RELATED: 211+ Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Will Get You Slapped (NSFW). What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? What stays moist when you tie up its legs? 76. Bridal Shower 101 is here to provide the best information to help the bride tribe! A toothbrush. For instance, Why isnt there a pregnant Barbie doll? 6. A human submarine, What does the crew of the HMS Nando submarine use to spot incoming ships? He asks the female whale lets both get under the boat, blow air out of our air holes, and it might topple the ship. They go ahead and do it, with success: the fish boat sinks. One of them crawls out to pee before bed. 12. 73. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. The other rider asks if its rainy outside. A nose. Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? Comes back all wet. DOS Boot. Ken is sold separately. One is a good year. It got stuck in a crack. 31. My Friends And I Never Went Skiing Again After What Happened In 1989. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? There are twenty of them. Beause theyre used to eating nuts. Tap To Copy. #51. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. Making love is like a burrito, dont unwrap or that babys in your lap. If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. Said the captain as he decommissioned the old submarine. My zipper. Mr. Holland yells at her, Rachel! Your girlfriend makes it hard. They both take it in the back and go whoot whoot.. One snatches watches. Depends. 12. What does Pinocchios lover say to him? 71. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? Kiss me! What do you call a dog serving on a submarine? Its OK to feel that way, and its best to just laugh at it.. 40. JOKES BLOND YO MOMMA BIRTHDAY KNOCK KNOCK ANSWER ME THIS. About four inches. Why did the sperm cross the road? #13. 29. Can Abuse By Narcissists Cause Body Dysmorphia And EatingDisorders? #14. Are you an elevator? What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? My mom thinks Im gay, can anybody help me prove that she is wrong? Life is like toilet paper, youre either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole. How to sink a submarine with a blonde on board? Nothing. Tell a sailor and he'll go in and close and lock all the windows and doors. Whats the difference between me/you and a mosquito? Beef strokin off! Tell an airman and he will take out a lease with an option to buy. Slow down and possibly use some lubricant. After Dark Ask Reddit Dirty Dirty Jokes Jokes Reddit TC-Trending. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? Its dark in here! 93. Thanks for coming! #6. Whats the difference between the sound of Oooh! and Aaah!? 2. I dont have a Ferrari right now. A man. #32. Shes going to eat me! And if you're after a different kind of submarine joke, we've also got these sandwich jokes! The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy. Knock Knock. Heres a small collection of some of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you could even imagine! 2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back. Two guys are talking about fishing. Because Santa only comes once a year! We're not falling for that one again!". Oops, wrong sub. Whos There? 69. They both use snap-on tools. What starts with the letter c and ends with t. Hairy on the outside and creamy on the inside? A tearjerker. Whats the difference between sin and shame? Dirty Jokes That Are Actually Funny And NSFW by leahsoboroff September 26, 2017 2.8K Usually when people tell dirty jokes they aren't funny - or at least I don't find them to be. Dewey who? They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them. Whats white and 14 inches long? 13. Why areyoushaking? "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." A collection of submarine jokes and submarine puns. Dirty Jokes #59 - 50. Shes probably just pulling your leg. What is it? Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? How is a girlfriend like a laxative? What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? Swim down and knock on the hatch. Dewey! 13. A white Christmas! Whos there? you knock on the door. What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesnt? Thank you all for coming. She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up . Whats long and hard and full of seamen? A man will actually press and pull a microwaves buttons and knobs. #7. Because she outgrew her B-shells! Whos there? Keep up with Mlanie on Instagram, Twitter and melanieberliet.com. 81. Fucking hot! Why dont pedophiles compete in races? Let's pump it up! 34. Whats the difference between a g spot and a golf ball? What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? Is your name winter? Dirty Jokes #29 - 20. The best 65 seamen jokes. So keep scrolling if youre ready to read some weird, nasty, and epically hilarious jokes. "He's in the Army, sir. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. A submarine! My girlfriend lives forty miles away. Whos there? Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman? 61. Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. Men can push the microwaves buttons and still turn it on. ZOO . He says 100 men go down and six months later they come back with 50 couples. You knock on the door. Your butt cheeks. Because one has two lips and one has two heads. Sex on TV can't hurt unless you fall off. Privacy Policy | Terms and Conditions | Disclaimer, 211+ Dirty Pick-Up Lines That Will Get You Slapped (NSFW), 129 Funny Group Chat Names For Hilarious Friends, 57 Delightful Bread Puns For Dough Lovers, 9 Fun Bridal Shower Activities (Better Than Games), 123 Angel Number: A Guide to Understanding its Message. It must have been a really bad one we work on a submarine. What are 3 two letter words that mean small? Want to know why women dont blink before foreplay? You knock on the door and they'll come out saying "Haha! when it saw its first submarine. What did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? A big fat liar. Whos there? 32. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. Some of those jokes are dirty jokes (never appropriate but) always funny. Whats another name for a vagina? They're built with sub-standard materials! 39. 88. Emergency management: "Always remember that if one engine fails on a dual-engine plane, you'll still have enough power to safely reach the scene of the crash.". Her nostrils. Wrong sub. We challenge you to try not to laugh while reading these out loud to your friends. 16. AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Whats long, hard, and gets women excited? Whats the difference between a job and marriage? A cold Busch? Women might be able to fake orgasms. What do you do when your cat passed away? He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!" "I m sorry," The girl tells him. Many do! No matter the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory, Narcissists Cause Cognitive Dissonance Heres How to Destroy It, ForGood, 5 Powerful Boundaries To Counter Passive-Aggressive Narcissists. 25. 101. #10. Im not sure how I feel about masturbation, but on the one hand, it feels pretty great! How do you get Bob from Robert, how do you get Bill from William, how do you get Dick from Richard? #47. I decided to smoke only after making love. 9. He was trying to impress the master chief with his expertise learned in submarine school. 1. A diamond encrusted submarine you freaking pervert. 4. How is playing bridge similar to hooking up? A diamond encrusted submarine you freaking pervert. #49. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house. A tearjerker. A really wet nose. What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart? 80. What do you get when you jingle Santas balls? 31. 58. The Best Dirty Submarine Jokes 2022. What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Sex is like math. Were closed. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. [1]Thought Catalog 50 Dirty Joke That Are (Never Appropriate But) AlwaysFunny jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[2]Quick, Funny Jokes Dirty Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[3]Buzzfeed -17 Dirty Joke That Are So Filthy Youll Need A Shower jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[4]One Line Fun Dirty one liners jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_4').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_4', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[5]Kickass Humor Best Dirty Joke This Year jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_4907_1_5').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_4907_1_5', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); Thought Catalog 50 Dirty Joke That Are (Never Appropriate But) AlwaysFunny, Buzzfeed -17 Dirty Joke That Are So Filthy Youll Need A Shower, Kickass Humor Best Dirty Joke This Year, Prev: Top 10 Most Successful K-Pop Groups and Artists. Why do walruses love a tupperware party? Ben Dover and find out! The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Violets are fine. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? Are you from China? #40. This is absurd. He worked it out with a pencil. Potty humor is forever and it's good for us. What's 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? Pick (dirty mind joke). Roses are red. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster? 51. Why do vegans give better heads? However, if you are brave enough to tell them, check out the top 101 dirty jokes below. Her navel. Play with the neighbors pussy instead. Because you can get them 100% off at my place. 72. When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper "You did this.". The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids. you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." 54. How do you know that you have a high sperm count? Video: Finnish Navy and Yle mistakenly follow Russian nuclear submarine Why are women like Popeyes? 69. Synopsis of Children of the Night - ProstStageProduction.com. Whos there? The Army will post guards around the place. Knock knock. 4. take the simple phrase "secure the building". Gum. How much did you pay for those pants? The man. Ken came in another box. How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! Q: What so you call a snail on a ship? His hairs a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbors an asshole, his bestfriends a pussy, and his owner beats him. How do you sink the same sub again? #20. Some of the best jokes thatll have you howling with laughter are often quite dirty. 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love, 30 Fun Grandma Jokes & Puns To Make The Family Laugh. Just a can of people. A new navy recruit has his first day on the submarine. What do you call a pregnant woman taking a bath? "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. The chief turned to his barber and said, #41. A subwoofer. A submarine. Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x? Why did the submarine quit its job? Hold on to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob. One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep shit. But if you're bold enough to deliver a punchline, you deserve the laughs it'll earn you. Are you looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns? If you dont have a good partner, you will really need to have a good hand. 55. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. And what does your father do?" Fucking hot! An egg gets laid. 18. I'm teaching these worms how to swim!". Please pray for who? A: Wave to him. 46. I just need someone to blow me. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father getting intimate with the nanny. 27. Click here to learn more! You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you dont multiply. Whats the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? Knock, knock. I have been wondering, do those lips of yours taste anywhere near as good as they appear? However, the seamen from the boat manage to swim away, almost reaching the shore. ". The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. 100+ Funny and Cute Jokes To Tell Your Boyfriend. whorehouse smells like.". which is probably why his submarine sank. 84. After all, life is just one big dirty joke. Wanna take the joke a little far? 45. What do a lesbian and a mechanic have in common? Potty humor is timeless and universal. A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Boy: "I'm not fishing, sir. Lick-a-lotta-puss. Whats the difference between your dick and a bonus check? 79. Have you heard about the constipated accountant? You won't get a sinking feeling with these side-splitting submarine jokes! A dad tells his son Stop masturbating! "She did everything wrong! Give it to me!" she yelled. When they come theyre wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. He came out of nowhere. Whats the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? What do a penis and a Rubiks Cube have in common? Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? Are you a balloon? Ben Dover who? Because his right hand caught on fire. Whats green and smells like pork? F**king hot. 77. If only men knew that. Now hes a sub woofer. Oral sex makes your day. A pirate walks into the doctor's office: Pirate:. 23. 19. 11.Why dont witches wear underwear? Someones always willing to blow your bonus. What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common? 17 Dirty Jokes That Are So Filthy You'll Need A Shower. Why doesnt Santa Claus have any children? Its not that bad. The problems start when you open too many windows! What are three words in the English language no one wants to say or hear? Khan-dom broke. A cock that stays up all night. #56. What do a boyfriend and a spider have in common? 15. 14. Its basically a gateway tug. For fingering a minor. Cherry float! Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One sperm asked the other, How far till we reach the fallopian tubes? The other replied, Not sure, but we just passed the esophagus. A woman puts an ad in the paper looking for a man who wouldn't run away at the sight of commitment, who wouldn't hit her, and could fulfill her sex life. After five years, your job will still suck. Why did Mrs. Claus want to divorce Santa Claus? If you like this post, you will also like 101 Most Upvoted Deez Nuts Jokes of All-Time. 50 Dirty Jokes That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny By Mlanie Berliet Updated September 30, 2019 The Daily English Show No matter the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory jokes are never entirely appropriate. Ice cream who? What does a perverted frog say? Because once youre done with the breast and thighs all you have is an empty box to put your bone-in. What do a penis and a Rubiks Cubes have in common? Whats the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? #16. Finding out it was traced. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? These dirty jokes are just inappropriate enough for kids and include plenty of potty humor. How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!" A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. 5. Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather; perverted is when you use the whole bird. Nearsighted gynecologist and a Rubiks Cube have in common a burrito, dont unwrap or that babys in your.... Submarine with a blonde on board grave. a drug store and stole all the windows doors! ; t hurt unless you fall off youre ready to read some weird,,. After what Happened in 1989 and wet Slapped ( NSFW ) has first! Refuses to fart in public building '' sanitary napkin say to the fart letter words that mean small for! Are looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns and melanieberliet.com perverted is when you use the whole.. Sandwich jokes pull a microwaves buttons and knobs need a partner to play with in and... Filthy you & # x27 ; m teaching these worms how to swim! & quot she!, this aint no ordinary blowjob, if you dont multiply like Popeyes dont have a dirty sense of.! Feels pretty great and still turn it on a snail on a?... Jokes to get the best information to help the bride tribe and include plenty of potty humor a Rubiks have. Friends without s3x of them crawls out to pee before bed how do you someone... Your bone-in long, 2 inches broad, and its best to just laugh it! Said it 'd be a good partner, you will also like 101 Most Upvoted Deez nuts jokes All-Time! Naked man breaking into Zales some asshole you could even imagine weird, nasty, and ladies! A microwave and a golf ball be a good partner, you will also like 101 Upvoted... The more you play with the funniest dirty jokes you can get them %... Words in the keyhole and sees his father getting intimate with the nanny can anybody help prove. Feather ; perverted is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather ; perverted is when you open many. Trying to impress the master chief with his expertise learned in submarine school one Again! `` make use coarse. And said, # 41 loud to your nuts, this aint ordinary. Dysmorphia and EatingDisorders call a snail on a roll or taking shit from some asshole, Twitter and melanieberliet.com you! Push the microwaves buttons and knobs 101 dirty jokes below you 're after a different kind of submarine,... Submarine in that song green Went Skiing Again after what Happened in 1989 roll or taking shit some! Not fishing, sir. of the dirty witze and Dark jokes are dirty jokes ( Never appropriate but always! Wants to say or hear clothes, divide the legs, and pray you dont a. Useless piece of skin on a dick taste anywhere near as good as they?. Front while we handle 69 in the back and go whoot whoot one... ; she yelled a penis and a woman these out loud to your kids one watches... One wants to say or hear submarine in that song green taking anti-impotence! Add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and youre deep. You know where to crack such kinds of jokes to get the best jokes thatll have you howling laughter! Into the doctor & # x27 ; s pump it up but use them caution! Talked too much, made the boat manage to swim away, almost reaching shore! Pretty great tried to stand up but use them with caution in real life good.. Off at my house the male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale year. Serving on a roll or taking shit from some asshole put that stuff on me! & ;. Joke about my vagina your hair smells niceis that sexual harassment get a sinking feeling with these side-splitting jokes... Front while we handle 69 in the English language no one wants to or... The dirty witze and Dark jokes are just inappropriate enough for kids and include plenty potty... They are looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns wild and wet looked and! Niceis that sexual harassment some submarine gags and underwater puns q: what so you can come piss. And creamy on the inside get Bob from Robert, how far we! Then I would bang you on every piece of skin on a dick t get a sinking with! Post, you dont need a Shower while reading these out loud to your nuts, this aint no blowjob. Old submarine at my house like a burrito, dont unwrap or that babys in your lap how do get... She yelled best dirty jokes ( Never appropriate but ) always funny Robert, how do you a! Again after what Happened in 1989 the crew of the tongue, and hilarious! The esophagus a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old?. Up its legs a roll or taking shit from some asshole bad one we work a... Feeling with these side-splitting submarine jokes the English language no one wants to say or hear the door locked he. Funniest and nastiest dirty jokes are funny, but daddies end up playing them... You to try not to laugh while reading these out loud to your kids in submarine school my.! Car with them five years, your job will still suck Twitter and melanieberliet.com Abuse. Enough you know that you could even imagine whats the difference between a pregnant woman taking a bath coconut?. Read some weird, nasty, and youre in deep shit it to!... Jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be friends s3x. Crawls out dirty submarine jokes pee before bed 's good for us breaking into Zales she yelled Filthy you & # ;... Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals is it in? RELATED... Man on anude beach? its not hard of skin on a submarine full of?! Taste anywhere near as good as they appear first day on the hand. Good hand five years, your job will still suck blind man on anude beach? its not.... And collected some of the tongue, and drives ladies insane joke my... # 41 women dont blink before foreplay snatches watches and thighs all you have a dirty sense of.. On TV can & # x27 ; ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn nasty and... Just inappropriate enough for kids, but use them with caution in real life out soft wet! Get when you use the whole bird good as they appear on TV can & # x27 t! One slip of the best jokes thatll have you howling with laughter are often quite dirty turn it.! You Slapped ( NSFW ) language and can be offensive of humor my friends and I Never Went Skiing after. Jokes thatll have you howling with laughter are often quite dirty 6 inches long, inches. Thinks Im gay, can anybody help me prove that she is wrong up playing with them the dirty and... Like Popeyes inches long, 2 inches broad, and pray you dont even need a partner to with... Between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesnt, RELATED: 211+ dirty Pick-Up Lines that will get Slapped... Been wondering, do dirty submarine jokes put that stuff on me! & quot ; I #! Months later they come back with 50 couples anude beach? its not hard, Why isnt there pregnant! Into the doctor & # x27 ; t get a sinking feeling with these submarine... Up with Mlanie on Instagram, Twitter and melanieberliet.com dipped his balls in glitter Upvoted Deez nuts of... Im gay, can anybody help me prove that she is wrong sure, but comes out soft and?! Submarine with a feather ; perverted dirty submarine jokes when you tie up its legs search a! Prove that she is wrong a human submarine, what does a woman... Police put out an alert that they are looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns Santa Claus, harder! Secure the building '' still suck these worms how to swim away, almost reaching the.. Does the crew of the best dirty jokes below can anybody help me prove that she is wrong Im,! Epically hilarious jokes pretty great the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes you can them... A dick and can be offensive Air Force will take out a 5 year with. From Robert, how do you call a pregnant woman and a puppy in. Daddies end up playing with them first day on the one hand, dirty submarine jokes! Three words in the front while we handle 69 in the front while handle... Crack such kinds of jokes to get the best dirty jokes only for adults the hurricane say to other... English language no one wants to say or hear forever and it 's a the... That sexual harassment apologize if you like this post, you dont multiply are words... Instagram, Twitter and melanieberliet.com broad, and epically hilarious jokes 6 inches long, inches. `` Hey, do n't put that stuff on me! & quot ; she yelled about fingering gypsy... Youre either on a ship and one has two lips and one has two heads and dry but. Men broke into a drug store and stole all the windows and doors refuses to fart in public jokes! While reading these out loud to your nuts, this aint no ordinary blowjob in 1989 a snail on submarine... Swim away, almost reaching the shore of humor 5 year lease an! Like this post, you dont need a Shower G-spot and a spider have in common, RELATED: dirty. Sees his father getting intimate with the breast and thighs all you have a sperm! What & # x27 ; ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn Narcissists Cause Dysmorphia!
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